The "Words Fail Me" thread....

[The Annoyed Man]

OK, lately I've seen a lot of stories online for which there just aren't words to do justice to how any rational person might feel about them. I invite you all to contribute any such "gems" you come across. May we all feel just a little diminished and more stupid after reading these.

I'll open with this one:

http://www.nj.com/bergen/index.ssf/2012 ... rting.html

TEANECK — An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor's fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.

Daniel Collins, 72, had been involved in an ongoing dispute with the unidentified neighbor for some time, Det. Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com. The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m.

Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.

Words fail me....

I anxiously await your contributions.

Carry on.

[The Annoyed Man]

Here's another one:

http://www.sentinelsource.com/news/loca ... 34771.html

PETERBOROUGH — Jackie R. Whiton of Antrim had been a six-year employee at the Big Apple convenience store in Peterborough until a single transaction sent her job up in smoke.

The store clerk was fired after she refused to take a customer’s Electronic Balance Transfer card to pay for cigarettes.

These are state issued cards that are only to be used to buy food items.

[The Annoyed Man]

And still another:

http://cnsnews.com/news/article/new-dis ... ini-horses

(CNSNews.com) – Although the Justice Department has extended the deadline for America’s hotels to comply with regulations regarding handicap access to swimming pools, new Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) guidelines are already being applied at miniature golf courses, driving ranges, amusement parks, shooting ranges and saunas.

Among the provisions in the "Revised ADA Standards for Accessible Design," which went into effect on March 15, is one requiring businesses to allow miniature horses on their premises as guide animals for the disabled. Another limits the height of slopes on miniature golf holes.

Now, I have mixed feelings about mini horses, but limiting the slope angle on miniature golf courses? Really? Isn't there anything else the Justice Department could be working on?

[C-dub]

Right now, the one that has me the most is the Border Patrol thread.

viewtopic.php?f=94&t=56085" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Telling LE to call LE? I just don't get it.

[03Lightningrocks]

OK, lately I've seen a lot of stories online for which there just aren't words to do justice to how any rational person might feel about them. I invite you all to contribute any such "gems" you come across. May we all feel just a little diminished and more stupid after reading these.

I'll open with this one:

http://www.nj.com/bergen/index.ssf/2012 ... rting.html

TEANECK — An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor's fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.

Daniel Collins, 72, had been involved in an ongoing dispute with the unidentified neighbor for some time, Det. Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com. The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m.

Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.

Words fail me....

I anxiously await your contributions.

Carry on.

I have actually been shot at over farting. My daughter got away with it after pleading self defense.

[C-dub]

I have actually been shot at over farting. My daughter got away with it after pleading self defense.

Airsoft?

[03Lightningrocks]

I have actually been shot at over farting. My daughter got away with it after pleading self defense.

Airsoft?

Water gun.

[The Annoyed Man]

I have actually been shot at over farting. My daughter got away with it after pleading self defense.

Airsoft?

Water gun.

I just got a phone call from my best friend here in Texas on the way to physical therapy earlier today. My friend went to Tarleton State, and while he was in college he did a bit of rodeoing. One of the other students there at the time became a casual acquaintance of my friend's, and that guy was also doing some rodeoing. The other guy lived upstairs from a friend of my friend's, and beers got consumed.....as is the way with college students.....and bunch of them wound up having a shootout with BB guns and pellet guns. My friend was using a .22 pellet rifle, and the other guy had been shooting at him through a window from way back inside the room, shooting through the window screen—thinking that my friend couldn't see him, but he could see him. When the other fellow bent over to get his BBs off the floor while reloading, my friend shot him right in the butt with that .22 pellet rifle.

The other guy was Chris Kyle, future author of American Sniper, and future Navy SEAL with the highest number of credited kills of any American military sniper in history. My friend is the only "counter-sniper" to ever put a round into Chris Kyle.

[The Annoyed Man]

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Pa ... 03485.html

A woman lost $2,000 in Palo Alto after she threw her purse at a passing car filled with teenagers who allegedly threw a milkshake in her face.

The woman was walking across University Avenue near Rudy's Pub Sunday when a white Range Rover full of teenagers drove by and allegedly threw a milkshake in her face.

Authorities said the woman tried to get revenge by throwing her alligator skin purse at the passing vehicle.

The story was first reported by Palo Alto Online.

A window was open on the Range Rover and the purse landed in the car. The purse had several of the woman's personal items and $2,000 in cash.

[chasfm11]

I admit that I reached pretty far back for this one but

http://articles.latimes.com/1996-08-23/ ... _dead-deer
LA Times August 23, 1996

Road Repair Crew Paves Over Dead Deer

It is against state policy to pave over a deer, said Walter Bortree, a Pennsylvania Department of Transportation engineer.

This one has several messages:
1. Stupidity remains on the Internet to haunt you forever
2. Messing up in PA (or anywhere else) can get you a story in the LA Times on a slow news day
3. PA has many interesting policies. I'm not sure why you would need one for paving over a deer. Then again.........

[C-dub]

3. PA has many interesting policies. I'm not sure why you would need one for paving over a deer. Then again.........

This is the first thing I thought of. They need a policy for this?!

[jimlongley]

A whole bunch of years ago, when I was riding ambulance, we received a call from the county sheriff. We arrived to find an "elderly" woman dead, with her feet sticking out into the kitchen and the rest of her, with most of her head blown away, in the dining room. The old man sat at the kitchen table, with his shotgun broken down nearby, saying, over and over "I told her, one of these days, I told her." Seems she had the habit of popping her dentures out and sucking on them, kind of like you see football players these days do with mouth guards, and he had been telling her that some day, if she kept it up, he was going to blow off her head.

He did.

[03Lightningrocks]

A whole bunch of years ago, when I was riding ambulance, we received a call from the county sheriff. We arrived to find an "elderly" woman dead, with her feet sticking out into the kitchen and the rest of her, with most of her head blown away, in the dining room. The old man sat at the kitchen table, with his shotgun broken down nearby, saying, over and over "I told her, one of these days, I told her." Seems she had the habit of popping her dentures out and sucking on them, kind of like you see football players these days do with mouth guards, and he had been telling her that some day, if she kept it up, he was going to blow off her head.

He did.

OMG!!! That is one of those stories that makes a person feel guilty for laughing so hard!

[emcee rib]

A window was open on the Range Rover and the purse landed in the car. The purse had several of the woman's personal items and $2,000 in cash.

They say every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven.

[jimlongley]

A whole bunch of years ago, when I was riding ambulance, we received a call from the county sheriff. We arrived to find an "elderly" woman dead, with her feet sticking out into the kitchen and the rest of her, with most of her head blown away, in the dining room. The old man sat at the kitchen table, with his shotgun broken down nearby, saying, over and over "I told her, one of these days, I told her." Seems she had the habit of popping her dentures out and sucking on them, kind of like you see football players these days do with mouth guards, and he had been telling her that some day, if she kept it up, he was going to blow off her head.

He did.

OMG!!! That is one of those stories that makes a person feel guilty for laughing so hard!

Back at the firehouse it became funny, one of those black humor things that happens, because as luck would have it, a rerun of "The Honeymooners" came on TV, with Ralph threatening Alice "One of these days Alice."

The old lady became Alice forever after. I'll bet if I walked into that fire station today and said "One of these days Alice" it would still generate helpless laughter.