Chuck Norris

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ssnstump
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Re: Chuck Norris

#31

Post by ssnstump » Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:52 am

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits near Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#32

Post by jayinsat » Thu Aug 27, 2015 12:01 pm

Chuck Norris only lost one fight in his life. It was in the movie Enter the Dragon starring him and Bruce Lee. Although the fight scenes were staged and no blows ever really exchanged, sadly, Bruce Lee would later succumb to injuries received from Chuck Norris' fake roundhouse kicks, which are equally lethal.

and now you know the rest of the story.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#33

Post by gthaustex » Thu Aug 27, 2015 3:10 pm

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#34

Post by Javier730 » Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:52 pm

jayinsat wrote:Chuck Norris only lost one fight in his life. It was in the movie Enter the Dragon starring him and Bruce Lee. Although the fight scenes were staged and no blows ever really exchanged, sadly, Bruce Lee would later succumb to injuries received from Chuck Norris' fake roundhouse kicks, which are equally lethal.

and now you know the rest of the story.

:rolll
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Re: Chuck Norris

#35

Post by puma guy » Thu Aug 27, 2015 9:57 pm

The Dos Equis guy calls Chuck for advice.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#36

Post by TexDotCom » Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:04 am

My two favorites:

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in his soul.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#37

Post by LeonCarr » Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:13 pm

My two all time favorite Norrisisms:

When the Boogie Man goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#38

Post by treadlightly » Tue Sep 08, 2015 9:31 pm

Some questions trespass the cosmic unknown.

Philosophers will always listen with dread fascination for the elusive sound of a majestic redwood, alone and unobserved in the forest, falling.

Some questions will always transcend uncertainty.

If Chuck Norris is alone in the woods, unobserved, and breaks wind, he is without doubt silent but deadly.

Wow, that was tasteless. Apologies, all.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#39

Post by C-dub » Tue Sep 08, 2015 11:47 pm

treadlightly wrote:Some questions trespass the cosmic unknown.

Philosophers will always listen with dread fascination for the elusive sound of a majestic redwood, alone and unobserved in the forest, falling.

Some questions will always transcend uncertainty.

If Chuck Norris is alone in the woods, unobserved, and breaks wind, he is without doubt silent but deadly.

Wow, that was tasteless. Apologies, all.

We just might have to put you on double secret probation for that one.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#40

Post by Vol Texan » Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:26 am

Chuck Norris actually has more postings on this TexasCHLForum than TAM does.

The only people to have verified this are, of course, dead, because although we all know the pen to be mightier than the sword. Chuck Norris' keyboard is mightier than any concealed handgun.
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Re: Chuck Norris

#41

Post by TexDotCom » Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:32 am

Vol Texan wrote:Chuck Norris actually has more postings on this TexasCHLForum than TAM does.


Bravo. Very well played. :tiphat:

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Re: Chuck Norris

#42

Post by The Annoyed Man » Wed Sep 09, 2015 10:03 am

TexDotCom wrote:
Vol Texan wrote:Chuck Norris actually has more postings on this TexasCHLForum than TAM does.


Bravo. Very well played. :tiphat:

:txflag:

Ah, but only I can see his posts, and know what his post count is. Not even Charles Cotton knows, and I am sworn to secrecy. Code of the beards, and all that......
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Re: Chuck Norris

#43

Post by Vol Texan » Wed Sep 09, 2015 4:34 pm

The Annoyed Man wrote:
TexDotCom wrote:
Vol Texan wrote:Chuck Norris actually has more postings on this TexasCHLForum than TAM does.


Bravo. Very well played. :tiphat:

:txflag:

Ah, but only I can see his posts, and know what his post count is. Not even Charles Cotton knows, and I am sworn to secrecy. Code of the beards, and all that......


Time to shift gears now that we've discovered Chuck Norris' literary equal...

I heard that once TAM was rushed to respond to a posting on the forum...and he only wrote 4300 words.
Charles removed the message, and told him that he needed to put some work into it.

TAM doesn't type...he just wills the words onto the keyboard.

TAM can't use an iPhone for posting. The glass would shatter after only three responses from the volume of letters being typed.
Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
When those fail, aim for center mass.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#44

Post by loktite » Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:16 pm

Vol Texan wrote:
Time to shift gears now that we've discovered Chuck Norris' literary equal...

I heard that once TAM was rushed to respond to a posting on the forum...and he only wrote 4300 words.
Charles removed the message, and told him that he needed to put some work into it.

TAM doesn't type...he just wills the words onto the keyboard.

TAM can't use an iPhone for posting. The glass would shatter after only three responses from the volume of letters being typed.


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Re: Chuck Norris

#45

Post by SewTexas » Thu Sep 10, 2015 12:19 am

:rolll
loktite wrote:
Vol Texan wrote:
Time to shift gears now that we've discovered Chuck Norris' literary equal...

I heard that once TAM was rushed to respond to a posting on the forum...and he only wrote 4300 words.
Charles removed the message, and told him that he needed to put some work into it.

TAM doesn't type...he just wills the words onto the keyboard.

TAM can't use an iPhone for posting. The glass would shatter after only three responses from the volume of letters being typed.


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