Help with wife

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RPBrown
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#16

Post by RPBrown » Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:02 am

Its kind of funny how almost everyone has someone in their life that doesn't understand.

My wife was almost as bad until our 1st grandchild was born. Then she began to change. She was hearing (or paying more attention to) the reports of abductions, abuse, and murders.

Thats when things started to change. At first, it was only when we were out with the little one did she start asking if I was carrying. Then she started wanting to go to the range with me. She announced 3 years ago (and 5 more grandkids) that she wanted to get her CHL.

Now, not only does she make sure I am carrying, bt she carries everywhere as well. She doesn't go to the range with me as much because her, my oldest daughter, and our neighbor go through out the week.

The only downside(s) to this is now when I get a new gun, if she likes it, it becomes hers. That and we had to get a larger safe. Oh yeah, forgot about her borrowing my ammo because she was out. Seems it nvery seldom gets put back.

All kidding aside, sometimes it takes something traumatic to happen to her or someone that is close to her (God forbid), or something as simple as talking to other women that carry.

But do not try to force the issue. This will make it worse instead of better>
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chewy555
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#17

Post by chewy555 » Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:10 am

RPBrown wrote: All kidding aside, sometimes it takes something traumatic to happen to her or someone that is close to her (God forbid), or something as simple as talking to other women that carry.

But do not try to force the issue. This will make it worse instead of better>
I think that I did force it before. I have backed off for now.
I hope that it does not come one of her firends getting hurt, but it may be the only way.
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Mage34
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#18

Post by Mage34 » Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:47 am

When I got married my wife would not let me even think about having a gun in the house. She was even in the Navy with me and still no way. I have slowly turned her to my way of thinking. When ever the subject of guns come up I would talk about how my family would teach us about guns, proper gun safety, how to treat a gun, what to do with a gun when children are in the house, how to teach kids about guns. The last straw for her was the Virginia tech shooting. She just passed her CHL class with me and is letting me bring my rifles from my parents and is buying us a Beretta PX4 storm. It only took 10 years but just be patient. She will hopefully come around to your way of thinking.
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Wildscar
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Re: Help with wife

#19

Post by Wildscar » Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:01 am

chewy555 wrote:Can anyone point me to something that might help me with her?Thanks for any help.
I surprised no one has said the simplest thing.

Step 1) Turn on TV
Step 2) Watch News
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chewy555
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Re: Help with wife

#20

Post by chewy555 » Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:04 am

Wildscar wrote:
chewy555 wrote:Can anyone point me to something that might help me with her? Thanks for any help.
I surprised no one has said the simplest thing.

Step 1) Turn on TV
Step 2) Watch News
I have tried that, so far no luck. She thinks that it would not happen to us.
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Wildscar
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Re: Help with wife

#21

Post by Wildscar » Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:20 am

chewy555 wrote:
Wildscar wrote:
chewy555 wrote:Can anyone point me to something that might help me with her? Thanks for any help.
I surprised no one has said the simplest thing.

Step 1) Turn on TV
Step 2) Watch News
I have tried that, so far no luck. She thinks that it would not happen to us.
My wife use to think like that until something did happen. I just hope you wife doesn't have to have the same realization my wife did.

That and you can also try the old line of "I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it."Seemed to help me in a few discussions with other family members that didn't agree with my choice to carry.
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seamusTX
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#22

Post by seamusTX » Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:24 am

The problem with TV news is that it makes crime victims seem helpless, unless the cops get there in time. In the rare event that someone successfully defend himself, they often have a police spokesman saying that victims shouldn't resist.

Also, at least half the assaults and homicides on TV are between criminals or domestic disputes.

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MrsFosforos
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sorry for the long reply

#23

Post by MrsFosforos » Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:21 pm

She thinks that it would not happen to us.
Is she reading this thread? It CAN HAPPEN to you, to her, to a friend or family member. Unless she blocks the doors and windows and never goes back outside again.

You mentioned before she said she could take care of herself. She will never REALLY know that -- until unfortunately the time comes to test that theory.

Tell her to read my story:
A few years ago, I worked out several days a week at the gym with heavy weights, cardio the whole nine yards. I was in my peak physical condition and I was strong, independent and didn't need anyone to "take care of me". Ha. I learned a hard lesson. One night I was robbed in my FRONT YARD. Thankfully the guy just wanted my wallet, but it could have been so much worse. Talk about a blow! IN MY YARD - which is an extension of MY HOUSE - where I'm supposed to have BOUNDARIES< where I'm supposed to be SAFE!!! Hmph.

The part that was the most humiliating to me was during the assault, I was paralysed with fear. I could NOT DO ANYTHING. I FROZE UP COMPLETELY.

There I was STRONG and physically fit -- but mentally I was not prepared. You talk about a blow to my ego. All of the sudden I was a victim. That was so depressing. Realizing how vulnerable I really was. Realizing how STUPID I really was. And how lucky I was, it could have been so much worse.

Then, my real FEAR became -- what if it happened again, what if it was worse? what if I froze up again?

It took a while for me to get over my personal humiliation and I lived with that fear as a constant nag. Finally last year I took a self defense course, which was the first step in moving forward with the idea of trying to heal my wounded self esteem.

One point that brought it home for me in the self defense class. Women, in general -- are less likely to consider protecting themselves. BUT, if it is a loved one who is in harm's way - she would give her life (almost instinctively). One thing a woman needs to remember is that IN PROTECTING HERSELF, she is also protecting the lives of her children and loved ones. If she is hurt or killed, her children will suffer - for her loss and pain. That put it in a whole different perspective for me.

I know it's a minor victory - but my husband posted a while back about me confronting a panhandler at a gas station. http://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_F ... ght=#87205. I realized, I was more mentally prepared to face confrontation - and although it was just a verbal altercation, I WAS PREPARED.

It's a funny story, but it was a turning point in my psyche. Before I was worried -- what good would carrying a handgun be if I just froze up again? It was almost then and there that I realized, I could carry a handgun and I would be prepared to use it if I needed to. I wouldn't freeze up again. The mental block was broken!

All that to say this:
There is a lot for women to "unlearn" about society's norms and expectations of what a "girl" or "lady" -- should and shouldn't do. We our teach girls to be polite and we teach them to be victims.

We don't live in a world of "what if" anymore -- we live in a world of "what IS" happening. She needs to be prepared.


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#24

Post by longtooth » Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:44 pm

excellent, Excellent, EXCELLENT. With your permission I would like to use this when I teach my awareness & verbal assertiveness class.
I commend you highly.
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MrsFosforos
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#25

Post by MrsFosforos » Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:15 pm

longtooth wrote:excellent, Excellent, EXCELLENT. With your permission I would like to use this when I teach my awareness & verbal assertiveness class.
I commend you highly.
Thanks, and yes you can share it!


longtooth
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#26

Post by longtooth » Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:16 pm

Thany you Maam.
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chewy555
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#27

Post by chewy555 » Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:27 pm

MrsFosforos,
Thank you for sharing. I will have my wife read it.
I just hope that something will make her change her mind.
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Crusoe
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#28

Post by Crusoe » Thu Jul 05, 2007 1:56 pm

My wife used to give me flack about carrying, said that I was being overly macho, etc, until she was in a road rage incident that left her very shaken.
The first thing she told me whan she got home was that she now understood why I carry. She's now working on her own CHL.
When I asked how she would explain to somone else how her feelings were changed and why since the incident, she told me that she couldn't. Some things there just aren't words for.

Personally, I have a VERY dim view of women that have the expectation that their mates should counter any physical threat to home or family, while simultaneously insisting that they do so unarmed. Doesn't demonstrate a whole lot of concern for their partner IMO.


NcongruNt
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#29

Post by NcongruNt » Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:58 pm

I had the same kind of situation with my girlfriend. There are a couple of things that I know helped turn her around.

The first was when I showed her a Penn & Teller episode on gun control. The last entry on the first page of this thread will get you a working video:

http://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_F ... 4591#74591

I also told her the story of what happened to my mother when I was 5 years old. I've posted a brief description of what happened in this thread:

http://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_F ... 9198#69198

She hasn't gotten to the point of carrying herself yet, but she does subtly "pat me down" whenever we're going out together to make sure I am.

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Charles L. Cotton
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#30

Post by Charles L. Cotton » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:06 pm

You might try getting her to read the forum at Women & Guns.

Chas.

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