As I see it, the problem here is not convincing your wife to get a CHL, but you carrying with yours. I suspect that youâ€™d like her to get one, but I refer you to Cornered Catâ€™s article titled â€œHow to Get Your Wife to Hate Guns.â€?
She puts it way better than I can. Remember that your wifeâ€™s CHL is a separate issue from whether or not you carry.
The first question about your carry is â€œIs this a relationship breaker to either of us?â€? If your wife refuses to allow you to carry, will this eventually make you so unhappy that it ends the relationship? If you continue to carry, will it eventually make her unhappy enough to end the relationship?
If either of you answer â€œyes,â€? then this is something that needs to be communicated now, at the outset. Pretending that an issue is not a relationship breaker will not make it go away.
If she answers yes, then you need to decide what to do from there. Possibly you can allow her to win the battle at this time, and bring up the issue again in a few months. This is a strategy that my husband uses with great success on me. When he brings it up the second time, it makes me realize that the issue really is important to him. And since he followed my wishes the first time, I can trust that he will listen to my concerns and respond appropriately to them.
If your answer is yes, you need to communicate that to her as well. DO NOT say something like â€œLet me carry my guns or I am divorcing you.â€? If my husband said that, Iâ€™d tell where he could go, even if his ultimatum was â€œlet me buy you flowers and chocolate every week.â€? Instead, explain to her that this is very important to you. Say that you understand that she has concerns, but this is something that you feel you need to do for yourself, and that you are going to do it. Phrase it in terms of your needs, since she does not at this time see that you are doing it for her as well, so those considerations are not persuasive to her. She loves you and wants you to be happy. Explain to her how this will make you happier, and ask her to accept this foible of yours out of love for you.
Ask her if there is anything you can do short of ceasing to carry that will make her more comfortable. For instance, in your post, you said that she was concerned with the size of your gun and itâ€™s positioning. If she asks you to carry a smaller one or one in a different place, agree. Then, in a few months, ask her if you can try carrying your preferred piece again or OWB again. Explain to her that you feel more comfortable this way, but that you respect her feelings and wishes.
If you just canâ€™t live with a non-optimal carry, even for a few months while your wife gets used to the idea, you need to communicate that as well. I strongly suggest that you try to find some area that you can compromise with her on (places you carry, maybe?) so that she has tangible proof that her concerns are important to you.
I STRONGLY suggest that you DO NOT carry when you have told her (or even implied to her) that you are not carrying. This makes you a liar, and untrustworthy in her eyes. Lying to your spouse is a bad, bad idea, even if itâ€™s for their own good. Your spouse should be someone you trust implicitly, and they should feel the same about you. Convenient lies are an excellent way to destroy this trust, and it is so easy for your spouse to make you when you are carrying concealed that you are almost certain to be found out eventually.
Note that none of this suggests how to get your wife to agree that carrying is a good idea. I have no idea how to do that, and, in fact, she may never agree that it is a good idea. Hopefully it will be enough that she will allow you to carry because she loves you and realizes how important it is to you.