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Spanking has its place. If used, it must be sparingly and appropriate. If overused/abused, they will just become resentfull and violent towards you or others in retaliation, but maybe not for years. Each time my dad spanked me I knew why and although I didn't like it I don't recall thinking that it was unfair. I'm the same way with my daughter. The only thing I do differently than my dad is discuss her poor choice that lead to the spanking afterward.

This is such a tough call. I almost think 9y is beginning to get a little too old to spank. I think by this time they have begun to realize that the pain from a spanking it short lived and they will just take it and get over it. When this happens parents must switch to witholding priveleges that were given because of good behavior.

It is a very delicate balance.

Sincerely,
Good luck!!!