Moral Support

[mr.72]

FWIW I face a similar issue both at my mother-in-law's house and also at my own parents' house.

I wonder why your wife wants to undermine your authority to carry your own gun by making a big deal about this. My wife doesn't ask if I am carrying when we are going to her mom's house, and I sincerely think that she does this so that if her mom asks if I am carrying then she can honestly say "I don't know" and avoid the issue... even though she knows I carry everywhere.

Tough issue. Marriage is tough. Suffice to say I think marital peace is far more important than carrying a gun to your mother-in-law's house. You have to be married to this woman 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero. If you were so worked up about it then you would not have let your wife go over there unarmed or without you. So IMHO, you fought the wrong battle. I am saying that as a married man of 17 years as of this Wednesday whose marriage has been through heck and back... marriage is a lot more fragile than you might think. No point in intentionally weakening it, even slightly.

[Oldgringo]

FWIW I face a similar issue both at my mother-in-law's house and also at my own parents' house.

I wonder why your wife wants to undermine your authority to carry your own gun by making a big deal about this. My wife doesn't ask if I am carrying when we are going to her mom's house, and I sincerely think that she does this so that if her mom asks if I am carrying then she can honestly say "I don't know" and avoid the issue... even though she knows I carry everywhere.

Tough issue. Marriage is tough. Suffice to say I think marital peace is far more important than carrying a gun to your mother-in-law's house. You have to be married to this woman 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero. If you were so worked up about it then you would not have let your wife go over there unarmed or without you. So IMHO, you fought the wrong battle. I am saying that as a married man of 17 years as of this Wednesday whose marriage has been through heck and back... marriage is a lot more fragile than you might think. No point in intentionally weakening it, even slightly.

Right on! That (all of the above) is kinda' what I was asking/saying.

[frazzled]

FWIW I face a similar issue both at my mother-in-law's house and also at my own parents' house.

I wonder why your wife wants to undermine your authority to carry your own gun by making a big deal about this. My wife doesn't ask if I am carrying when we are going to her mom's house, and I sincerely think that she does this so that if her mom asks if I am carrying then she can honestly say "I don't know" and avoid the issue... even though she knows I carry everywhere.

Tough issue. Marriage is tough. Suffice to say I think marital peace is far more important than carrying a gun to your mother-in-law's house. You have to be married to this woman 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero. If you were so worked up about it then you would not have let your wife go over there unarmed or without you. So IMHO, you fought the wrong battle. I am saying that as a married man of 17 years as of this Wednesday whose marriage has been through heck and back... marriage is a lot more fragile than you might think. No point in intentionally weakening it, even slightly.

Right on! That (all of the above) is kinda' what I was asking/saying.

true that. Its no bog deal, just leave it in the car.

I'm just more concerned there are Texans who don't have firearms. Is that even legal in Texas? Where have we aired?

[mymojo]

but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero.

By that logic none of us really need to carry anywhere. The odds that any one of us, on any given day in any given location, will ever *need* our gun are exceedingly close to zero. Its that .001% chance that drives all of us to CC, isnt it?

That being said, my MIL hates guns too. She has expressly forgbidden me to bring them into her house. So when we go to visit I tend to make a show of leaving the 1911 in the car. Then I take comfort in the CZ-82 tucked in the bottom of my overnight bag that, God willing, neither she nor my wife will ever need to know about.

[mr.72]

but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero.

By that logic none of us really need to carry anywhere. The odds that any one of us, on any given day in any given location, will ever *need* our gun are exceedingly close to zero. Its that .001% chance that drives all of us to CC, isnt it?

Well you quoted me out of context. Compared to the 100% guarantee that you have to live with your wife and be married to her 24/7, to get in a fight over this is totally not even in the league of worth it.

Now, for example, let's say it was legal for me to carry on either the DC Metro trains or on the NYC subway... now, if my wife and I were on vacation in NYC or DC and she were to decide that I wasn't going to carry on the train, then I'd definitely get in a fight over that, but the fight goes like this: either I am going to carry, or neither of us are going to go. But to be clear, I intentionally took my wife to DC and left the guns in PA, and I am taking her to NYC in December and will leave the guns at home. Doing things that communicate my commitment to my wife's happiness are infinitely more important than carrying a gun with me when we go.

There is no legitimate cause for any of us to carry. The odds of us needing a gun are unbelievably small. So we carry in case of this very small risk, but you have to weigh it and use some common sense and reason. You don't refuse to go to court when you have jury duty because they won't let you carry. You don't refuse to go to the post office to pick up your mail held while you were on vacation because they won't let you carry. So why on earth would you refuse to go to your wife's mother's house and intentionally get into a fight with your wife because you don't even want to ASK your mother in law if she minds if you carry? It just shows a very dangerously low value placed on the marriage, IMHO. It communicates to your wife that your fetish about carrying your gun is more important to you than your relationship with your wife, more important than her relationship with her mother, more important than your relationship with her mother, etc. So don't be surprised if she finds all kinds of things that seem petty or minor to you to be more important than respecting whatever it is that you desire for marital peace and happiness. This is the cancer that slowly kills marriages. One of these days she might meet some other guy that respects and values her happiness in ways that she has decided that you don't, and find it very difficult not to abandon her marriage for the seemingly greener pastures.

Of course, I'm a guy who has barely saved a marriage from the brink! So, you know, I am kind of on alert about this.

[seamusTX]

Compared to the 100% guarantee that you have to live with your wife and be married to her 24/7, to get in a fight over this is totally not even in the league of worth it.

There is a middle ground between a "fight" and one spouse yielding to the other's wishes without discussion.

I would approach this issue (which I personally never had) by asking the wife what her concerns or fears are, and then addressing them rationally. That could be a lengthy process.

- Jim

[frazzled]

There's also an epic philosophy called "pick your battles." This is not worth marital discord, at all.

Just treat it like a court house. Firearms verbotten. Plus its accurate, while there every move you make can and will be held against you...

[USA1]

There's also an epic philosophy called "pick your battles."

i think mr.72 said it best when he said.."you have to live with your wife and be married to her 24/7"

[seamusTX]

Ya gotta draw the line somewhere.

When we were engaged, my fiancée's mother tried to browbeat me. Among other demands, she wanted us to buy a house within walking distance of hers. I politely stood my ground. We eventually had a better relationship than she did with her other children's spouses, because she respected me.

The spousal respect issue goes both ways. The Good Book says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife..." Well, it works the same for the wife. Her husband's concerns should be more important to her than her mother's.

- Jim

[NcongruNt]

but the chances of you needing your gun while at your mother-in-law's house are exceedingly close to zero.

By that logic none of us really need to carry anywhere. The odds that any one of us, on any given day in any given location, will ever *need* our gun are exceedingly close to zero. Its that .001% chance that drives all of us to CC, isnt it?

That being said, my MIL hates guns too. She has expressly forgbidden me to bring them into her house. So when we go to visit I tend to make a show of leaving the 1911 in the car. Then I take comfort in the CZ-82 tucked in the bottom of my overnight bag that, God willing, neither she nor my wife will ever need to know about.

I think you're skating a thin legal line there. She has given you 30.06 verbal notice that you are now violating. Whether this would fall into a temporary home premises (similar to a motel room, as you are staying temporarily as a guest) is something lawyers would be better at figuring out than I would.

[arnoldstrong]

Don't ask, don't tell AND sure don't show.

+10000

[LittleGun]

I disagree that "There is no legitimate cause for any of us to carry." Having the ability to protect my life is legitimate.

[TDDude]

The spousal respect issue goes both ways. The Good Book says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife..." Well, it works the same for the wife. Her husband's concerns should be more important to her than her mother's.

- Jim

Jim stole my line. Well, more like beat me to it.

One flesh means exactly that, one flesh.

Whether or not your wife wants you to carry a gun at the MIL is irrelavent. Openly defying you and taking her moms side on any subject is the first step to a failed marriage. How would she feel if you constantly told her "My mom doesn't cook it that way!"? Or worse, "Mom irons my shirts like THIS!". I see little difference here.

The Bible has the recipe for a succesful marriage and it basically boils down to this: "Wives, submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church." Personally I think the wives got the easier deal. Christ ultimately died for the "church" so the implication is the we as husbands must be prepared to do the same. BUT, that is a whole 'nuther thread.

The point is this: Openly defying each other aint in there. Keep the discussions at home and in private but when there is disagreement, it is the husbands responsibility to lead in the way he feels best. The downside is that the husband is held to a much higher standard for when one meets his maker.

A good marriage is like a good dance couple. The man leads but the woman shines. When both try to lead, it's a train wreck. When it's done right, it's really cool to watch.

[seamusTX]

TDDude, I don't think you've met my wife.

But in 29 years we have learned to work out our differences with little if any drama.

- Jim

[ELB]

If MIL doesn't want guns in the house, fine, it is her decision, respect it (and I would not go). Husband wants to carry 24/7, also fine, and also needs to be respected. I don't know what other influences MIL has had on Wife with respect to the marriage, but there is a point at which Wife needs to remember who it is she married and who it is she left to do so.

Oh, and the statement "No legitimate cause for any of us to carry" is complete and utter nonsense.