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Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 9:31 am
by mojo84
I lost my mom when I was a sophomore in high school in 1982 and my dad in 1996. I would gladly leave my gun in the car if I could visit with them again and they had a problem with me carrying.
However, it would not have been a problem as myy dad was self-employed for the last few years of his life and kept a significant amount of of cash on hand so he always carried a gun with him.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 9:34 am
by AlaskanInTexas
When I first started carrying, I took great comfort in everyone essentially saying "no one will even notice; they are oblivious." First time my mom saw me while carrying (without knowing that I had started carrying): "Is that a gun in your pocket?" I guess mom's have a 6th sense.
I think you handled this well. Sometimes I think gun owners get a little too dogmatic about having to be armed everywhere, to heck with practicalities or what anyone else thinks. I completely disagree with those who take the stance that if someone won't accept me and my gun, then they can find another friend/family member. If I had a good friend/family member with a phobia of guns that could not be cured with information, I would be willing to assume the minuscule risk of harm from occasionally going to their home unarmed for the benefits of the relationship. The travel there is probably several times riskier than being unarmed.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 10:01 am
by VMI77
mloamiller wrote:I've been carrying for about five years. About a year after I started carrying, I went to visit my mom for the weekend. I was carrying (concealed) when I got to her home, unloaded my car and we sat and visited for a while, my gun on my hip the whole time. We then went out to eat, where she sat next to me at the table, on my gun side. During dinner, she went to hug me and her hand hit my gun. She pulled back, somewhat startled and said "what on earth is that?" I told her what it was (she is my mom, after all) and she seemed shocked. "Well, I hope you don't carry that in my house!". I told her that was surprising since Dad always had guns (he died about eight years ago). I asked her if she was afraid of them, saying they aren't going to hurt someone by accident, but she replied it didn't matter, she didn't like them and didn't want me wearing it in her house. Since then, I'v always left it in my bag while in her house. I put it on when I'm out on her property (about 18 acres), but not in the house.
Flash forward to this weekend and she came to visit us and go to church with us Sunday morning. In the past when she's visited, I've always been careful to keep my gun out of sight and not let her see me carry it. I know it's my house/my rules, but I do this out of respect for her. I was getting dressed for church, trying to figure out how to carry. I usually wear a jacket, but don't put it on until we actually get to church, so I would normally wear it openly around the house after getting dressed, before we leave. However, yesterday, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I still carried, but it put it on at the last minute and tried to position myself so she wouldn't see it. I think she may have, and didn't say anything, but it just felt weird.
Just curious if others experience anything similar with parents and if so, how they handle it.
Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm 50+ with two (almost) grown kids. Just goes to show you're always your mom's kid!
Don't have that problem myself. No one in my family or my wife's family is anti-gun. However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 10:29 am
by AlaskanInTexas
VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 10:57 am
by mloamiller
timtheteacher wrote:"... keep your booger picker off the trigger"
I think the NRA needs to re-write Gun Safety Rule #2. Gotta stay relevant for the younger generation, right?!
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:11 am
by suthdj
AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
I would agree with VMI77, not all mothers are Mrs Clever, If my mother who raised me does not trust me with a gun in her home so be it life goes on. I dont have any issues with my mother either.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:18 am
by VMI77
AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
To me, respect is MUTUAL and flows both ways. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with any risk of not being able to defend myself. If you want to have a relationship without mutual respect that's your choice but it's not a choice I'll ever make. Fortunately for me that's not the kind of relationship I have to endure with family members. MY mother would never say she doesn't want me in her house with a gun because she respects me and trusts me. What kind of a mother doesn't trust her own son with a gun?
Thankfully, not mine. Conversely, what kind of a son would you have to be that your own mother doesn't trust you with a gun? I feel sorry for you if you can't understand or enjoy such a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:24 am
by AlaskanInTexas
suthdj wrote:AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
I would agree with VMI77, not all mothers are Mrs Clever, If my mother who raised me does not trust me with a gun in her home so be it life goes on. I dont have any issues with my mother either.
Maybe I am the one in left field here, but I can't wrap my mind around the idea of putting a gun before a mom. She carried you for 9 months and raised you to adulthood (and frankly beyond), but if she isn't comfortable with a gun in the house you are going to turn your back on her because you can't bear the thought of leaving your weapon in the car for a few hours? I really just can't fathom that line of thinking.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:29 am
by karder
I think you handled it well mloamiller. Moms can be finicky for sure, but as long as you are keeping yourself and your family safe, keeping Mom happy is important too. She won't be around forever so cherish your time with her while you have it and conceal deep. Maybe a good excuse to buy a smaller carry pistol?
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:29 am
by VMI77
suthdj wrote:AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
I would agree with VMI77,
not all mothers are Mrs Clever, If my mother who raised me does not trust me with a gun in her home so be it life goes on. I dont have any issues with my mother either.
Exactly, and neither is mine. We've had plenty of acrimonious disagreements and some rocky times, but I can't even imagine that in the worst of those times she would not have trusted me with a gun in her home.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:35 am
by AlaskanInTexas
VMI77 wrote:AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
To me, respect is MUTUAL and flows both ways. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with any risk of not being able to defend myself. If you want to have a relationship without mutual respect that's your choice but it's not a choice I'll ever make. Fortunately for me that's not the kind of relationship I have to endure with family members. MY mother would never say she doesn't want me in her house with a gun because she respects me and trusts me. What kind of a mother doesn't trust her own son with a gun?
Thankfully, not mine. Conversely, what kind of a son would you have to be that your own mother doesn't trust you with a gun? I feel sorry for you if you can't understand or enjoy such a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
I guess I just see this completely differently. I don't think this has anything to do with a mother not trusting a son - a whole heck of a lot of people are simply not comfortable around guns, regardless of how competent and trustworthy the handler. Not wanting the gun in the home doesn't mean they don't trust that person. They are simply afraid of guns. Let me give you another example. If your mother had a terrible snake phobia and you went everywhere with Herbie your pet snake, would you be off-put if she asked you not to bring Herbie in the house? Would it show a lack of trust in you? No - she just doesn't want to be around snakes because their presence scares her. If my mom asked me not to bring guns in her home (which she hasn't - she sleeps with a .357 revolver on her nightstand and carries a shotgun for bear protection when she gets the newspaper in the morning), my reaction wouldn't be "she doesn't trust or respect me, therefore, screw her - I am never coming to her home again" it would be "Gee, she has an irrational fear of guns. I am going to keep visiting her because I love her, but out of respect, I will leave my gun in the car so that I don't unnecessarily induce irrational fear in her."
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:37 am
by mojo84
Alaskan, I am with you as far as being willing to see my mom over having my gun. In my opinion, just because she doesn't like the gun doesn't mean she disrespects me. I'm sure not having her for the last 33 years without many, if any, days having passes without me thinking of her and longing for just one more conversation and hug probably has effected my thoughts on the situation.
I also realize not everyone has the same perspective as I do. They also may not have or had as strong a bond with their Mother as I did. I'll admit it, I was a momma's boy. I look forward to someday having that conversation and getting that hug.
I learned a long time ago on here and in life, there is never an issue that everyone agrees with me on or has the same opinion.
To each his/her own.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:47 am
by VMI77
AlaskanInTexas wrote:suthdj wrote:AlaskanInTexas wrote:VMI77 wrote: However, if my mother told me she didn't want me in her house with my gun I'd tell her fine, and, bye, I won't darken the door at your house in the future. If you want to see me you'll have to visit at my house or another location.
Are you really saying you wouldn't visit your own mother if you couldn't bring a gun? I really don't mean to cause offense, but with statements like that, I completely understand why the anti-gun crowd say some of the things they do about us. No peril on earth (let alone an almost infinitesimally small risk of being unable to adequately defend myself for a short period) could stand between me and my mother.
I would agree with VMI77, not all mothers are Mrs Clever, If my mother who raised me does not trust me with a gun in her home so be it life goes on. I dont have any issues with my mother either.
Maybe I am the one in left field here, but I can't wrap my mind around the idea of putting a gun before a mom. She carried you for 9 months and raised you to adulthood (and frankly beyond), but if she isn't comfortable with a gun in the house you are going to turn your back on her because you can't bear the thought of leaving your weapon in the car for a few hours? I really just can't fathom that line of thinking.
You keep going back to the Red Herring of not wanting to leave a weapon in the car for a few hours and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with that. What I can't fathom is this: if someone's relationship with mother is so good why doesn't she trust him with a gun in her home? For me it isn't an issue because my mother trusts me completely and my having a gun doesn't make her uncomfortable. Unless there is something wrong with her son and he isn't trustworthy I don't understand why a mother would be uncomfortable with her son having a gun? That makes zero sense to me. You're either trusted or you're not.
Re: Mom doesn't like guns
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 11:58 am
by VMI77
mojo84 wrote:Alaskan, I am with you as far as being willing to see my mom over having my gun. In my opinion, just because she doesn't like the gun doesn't mean she disrespects me. I'm sure not having her for the last 33 years without many, if any, days having passes without me thinking of her and longing for just one more conversation and hug probably has effected my thoughts on the situation.
I also realize not everyone has the same perspective as I do. They also may not have or had as strong a bond with their Mother as I did. I'll admit it, I was a momma's boy. I look forward to someday having that conversation and getting that hug.
I learned a long time ago on here and in life, there is never an issue that everyone agrees with me on or has the same opinion.
To each his/her own.
That I completely understand. I am not a momma's boy. I'm a daddy's boy, 100%. I still don't understand the perspective, and probably can't, but I do understand that it is different.