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Chuck Norris uses a railroad spike for a toothpick.

And he chews on a nail instead of a straw.

Saw Chuck Norris inside DFW airport when heading to relatives for a vacation in 90's. I was only one gate over, but it was boarding time for his flight... he was all smiles though :)

of course... that was only a perceived smile, as Chuck Norris doesn't smile, the corners of his mouth run upwards away from his fists.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his living room. Its not dead, its just afraid to move.

Got to meet him while driving a fire engine for an episode of Walker Texas Ranger and later on another episode. A captain of ours arranged for all of the FD extras and was actually a roommate of Norris' in college. When Chuck Norris shook my hand he said (pointing to Skipper), "your looking at the only guy to ever beat me in a fair fight." Up to that point I always suspected some of Skipper's daring dos were embellished. Not any more.

Now, down to business:
"Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he just stands on the porch and dares it to grow."

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. To bad he doesn't cry.

Another Option

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience


When Clint Eastwood called the .44 Magnum "the most powerful handgun in the world" he didn't know about the thumb and index finger of Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris appeared as a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice. He fired Donald Trump.

RJGold wrote:

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Bwahahahahahah

Chuck Norris was wrong once--he thought he had made a mistake.

Say it isn't so! Those trees are tied in a granny knot, not a proper reef knot (also known as a square knot to lubbers)!

I always liked this one:

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.