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Victim: Officer, officer! That man just stole my purse!

Officer: Good morning ma'am, or does that pronoun offend you. If so, please advise me of the correct pronoun I may use in order to not....

Victim: Officer, you're not listening to me! That man stole my purse.

Officer: That gentleman across the street?

Victim: Yeah, that's him.

Officer: Okay, let me go talk to him.

Victim: He's a big guy, don't you want some help?

Officer: Oh no, anything that might give the appearance of a show of force isn't allowed.

Officer leaves to talk to the alleged suspect, and then returns:


Officer: Is it a red purse with black trim and brass colored clasp with the initials MS on the side?

Victim: That's it. My name is Mary Smith and those are my initials. That's my purse.

Officer: I figured it was yours; he doesn't look like the purse type. The problem is he doesn't want to give it back.

Victim: Well, arrest him! He robbed me of that purse. He punched me, knocked me down and then took my purse. Look at this bruise on my arm, and I'm bleeding from my forehead.

Officer: I'm afraid I can't do that. He said he wouldn't allow me to arrest him. I can call the EMS folks though to treat you for your injuries. There will be a fee of course.

Victim: What??!! You have to arrest him. He committed a robbery and I'm the victim. I demand you arrest him.

Officer: I'm afraid I can't do that. He said he would fight if I tried to arrest him and our new Rules Of Engagement don't allow us to confront a hostile suspect.

Victim: Rules Of Engagement!!?? What the in the world is that?

Officer: Basically it means if the alleged suspect offers any resistance, or even says he will resist, our Rules Of Engagement say we shall NOT "engage". It's really quite simple and it makes our job much simpler. No more fights, no violence involved and everyone is much safer that way aren't they?

Victim: But he robbed me and he's standing right there. You mean you can't do anything?

Officer: Oh, whether or not I could do something doesn't matter. I'm not allowed to confront a possibly hostile suspect. Perhaps you could talk to him and see if he will come down to the precinct house and turn himself in.

Victim: That's it? That's all you can do?

Officer: Well, I can give you our web site and you can make a report of this alleged crime. It's a really neat web site, designed by the same folks that did that Affordable Care site. And I'd be glad to give you the office phone numbers for Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Eric Holder.

Victim: Will they do anything?

Officer: Not really, they're only interested ' if I do something ' !

Victim: Well did you at least get his name so I know who the bad guy is when I make this report?

Officer: No, he didn't want to give me his name, -- and gosh -- all I can do is ask!

Victim: This is incredible. He's just standing over there like he knows nothing will be done about this.

Officer: I know. It happens all the time now. Well, have a nice day and call any time, we're here to help!

Victim: But officer -----.

Officer: You'll have to excuse me. I have to go apologize to that gentleman for disrupting his day.