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Some background information:
My wife doesn't drive. She's 25 and has never been behind the wheel for more than about 15 minutes, and has never held a license. She FREAKS OUT anytime other cars come towards her because (she's insane) she thinks they are going to hit her. I've been trying to get her out of her comfort zone and behind the wheel because it's very inconvenient for me that she can't go pick up milk while I'm at work.

Okay, so late last year I had her drive the mile and a half to the thrift store in town. She was visibly shaken when we arrived, but she did well. We shopped for a few minutes, paid for our stuff, and left. As we piled our son into the car, a couple got into a car next to us and drove away, then a few seconds later a police officer pulled into the spot and walked quickly inside. We thought little of it and my wife pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.

Not 20 seconds later, that same cop is behind us with lights and sirens on (the quieter 'beeping' kind). My wife looks at me, hyperventilating and nearly crying, and says, "what do I DO?!?"

I look at her like she's from Mars and say, "um, pull over??"

She drives for another block while she decides whether or not she should be using her turn signal when she pulls over, then she finally maneuvers the car toward the curb with all the grace of a stampeding wildebeest...coming to a stop 3 inches from an intersection. Before I can tell her she's parked illegally, the officer is at her window. He looks into the car angrily, looks back at our son in his car seat, and suddenly a visible wave of confusion floods his face. He looks at me and asks, "you don't happen to have a cowboy hat, do you?" No. No I do not.

As it turns out, he was called about the couple whose spot he took when he arrived, because the man (who was wearing a cowboy hat) was drunk and swearing loudly and threatening to pee on everything in the store. When he saw our son, he knew it probably wasn't us because no child was mentioned in the phone call to him. So we advised him what kind of car he was looking for and what direction it left in and he thanked us and went on his way.

Then my wife turned to me, pale, sweating and shaking, and said, "YOU'RE DRIVING US HOME."

So I am guessing you won't get her behind the wheel again for another 25 years or so. Better hope those autonomous cars pan out.

With utmost respect, may I suggest she see a psychiatrist?

My armchair diagnoses: She has crippling anxiety that can be effectively treated with medication.

Good luck to you both.

A friend I have known for nearly 40 years married a woman who had never driven a car. They managed to make it work over the years.

They have lived in a rural subdivision for the last 30 years. About 10 years ago, he bought her a small electric golf cart for her to use around the neighborhood. Then about 5 years ago she graduated to an ATV. Two years ago she got her license and he bought her a new car.

My friend's wife did not have the anxiety that your beloved has, at least not to the same degree. Following a similar path might help. She certainly needs your love and support to work through this.

As is often the case, and this is not meant in a bad way, but you might not be the right person to help her through this. Many wives do not like their husband teaching them and they are more likely to respond to someone else. Trust me here. I have experience.

One more thing to consider is that her conquering this issue will likely increase the ability for her to care for your child. A woman's mother drive is one of the strongest motivations that exist.

When it came time to teach my wife to shoot, I did the best thing I could: I outsourced it.
We were visiting family in the Carolinas, and I grabbed my nephew (Iraq war veteran and lifelong shooter), and said, "I love my wife, but she wants to learn to shoot, so you're the range master today." And then I walked away after he agreed to take over.

In the highlighted sentence above, one could replace the underlined words with just about any infinitive verb tense, and it would still likely be the best answer.

Abraham wrote:With utmost respect, may I suggest she see a psychiatrist?

My armchair diagnoses: She has crippling anxiety that can be effectively treated with medication.

Good luck to you both.

+1... Don't let her suffer this way. Reach out for help.

anygunanywhere wrote:A friend I have known for nearly 40 years married a woman who had never driven a car. They managed to make it work over the years.

They have lived in a rural subdivision for the last 30 years. About 10 years ago, he bought her a small electric golf cart for her to use around the neighborhood. Then about 5 years ago she graduated to an ATV. Two years ago she got her license and he bought her a new car.

My friend's wife did not have the anxiety that your beloved has, at least not to the same degree. Following a similar path might help. She certainly needs your love and support to work through this.

As is often the case, and this is not meant in a bad way, but you might not be the right person to help her through this. Many wives do not like their husband teaching them and they are more likely to respond to someone else. Trust me here. I have experience.

One more thing to consider is that her conquering this issue will likely increase the ability for her to care for your child. A woman's mother drive is one of the strongest motivations that exist.

I second this statement. I tried to teach my wife to shoot last year and it didn't take. She was scared to load and rack the slide on her own. She's taking Charles' Basic Handgun Class this Friday. I think that she'll be more open to his instruction than to mine.

Vol Texan wrote:When it came time to teach my wife to shoot, I did the best thing I could: I outsourced it.
We were visiting family in the Carolinas, and I grabbed my nephew (Iraq war veteran and lifelong shooter), and said, "I love my wife, but she wants to learn to shoot, so you're the range master today." And then I walked away after he agreed to take over.

In the highlighted sentence above, one could replace the underlined words with just about any infinitive verb tense, and it would still likely be the best answer.

RoyGBiv wrote:

Abraham wrote:With utmost respect, may I suggest she see a psychiatrist?

My armchair diagnoses: She has crippling anxiety that can be effectively treated with medication.

Good luck to you both.

+1... Don't let her suffer this way. Reach out for help.

For sure.
Many people have phobias but when they are not controllable help is needed. To be honest though, this may be one of those that no amount of medical or drug therapy can alleviate.

I'm one of the rare lucky husbands whose wife will actually take instruction from.

It's a two way street too.

Where she's knowledgeable and I'm not, I listen carefully without snide comment.

When she corrects me, I don't act defensive.

Again, it's a two way street.

with everyone about having someone else teach her, but only if she wants to learn.

Years ago a friend of mine was having fits teaching his wife to drive a stick. She really wanted to drive his 67 Mustang (289 + stick), but the effort had caused more than one bout of marital discord.

I offered to teach her on my Dodge van (6-cyl + stick), since it was very forgiving of poor throttle & clutch coordination.

Within 15 minutes, she was getting the hang of it. In another 15 minutes, she was rowing through the gears like a pro.

My friend's next complaint was that she would never let him drive HER Mustang.

She doesn't have a license, yet you let her drive? Do you really think that's wise?

Adult drivers ED. Well worth the money.

I understand the OP position, my son was very hesitant to drive but with lots of patience and practice in empty parking lots he got there. I suggest finding an empty parking lot (we used the local high school on a weekend) I set up traffic cones to form lanes, parking places, etc.. going slowly in an empty area, with no other traffic, builds confidence in their ability to maneuver a car, I even set up a slalom, type course to weave in and out going both forward and in reverse.
Plus since it is not a public road no DL is required.
Good luck.

I think many are not understanding the OP's problem. His wife has a phobia. It is not a question of teaching her to drive. It is a question of whether she can overcome the phobia. One does not overcome a fear of heights by climbing mountains. She will probably never overcome the phobia. The question is can she become functional enough to safely drive a car? I have my doubts in this case.

Abraham wrote:With utmost respect, may I suggest she see a psychiatrist?

My armchair diagnoses: She has crippling anxiety that can be effectively treated with medication.

Good luck to you both.

Not only would she never agree to that, I don't think it's necessary. When I ease her into it, she does pretty well. She just makes excuses to get out of driving practice so often that I can't ease her into it. If she actually wanted to drive, she could. She just has no desire to learn. Right now her excuse is that she can't reach the pedals comfortably. So when our tax returns come in, we're getting a new car with better accommodations.

baldeagle wrote:She doesn't have a license, yet you let her drive? Do you really think that's wise?

She has a learners permit. Perfectly legal.

Also, as much as I love poking fun at her mental state, I was only posting to laugh at how bad the cop scared her. Poor guy thought I was threatening to pee on everything in a thrift store. lol