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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:46 am
by Keith B
Great advice G.C. You must have been married a LONG time!
While my wife is not anti-gun in the house, she does have reservations on guns. When we got married 25 years ago, I was a reserve LEO and carried at that time. I have also hunted for all of our lives together, so she is no stranger to long guns or even handguns (loaded for self defense) in the house. When I went to get my CHL a few months ago she questioned the need to carry and was a little upset about it. I used the calm reasoning method, and that didn't work. So, I told her to just abide with me and she would see it was not a big thing.
Since I have received the license, I don't always let her know when I am and am not carrying. She has settled down and doesn't even worry about it since there have been no issues. By not constantly bringing it up and easing into things and giving her time to adjust slowly, she has grown to accept it.
One commet she made prior to my receiving my license was why would I ever even think about carrying in church. After the Colorado shootings, I mentioned 'I may have to start carrying to church.' Her response was , 'Yes, you might.' Little does she know that I already have several times!!
As G.C. said, take it slow and easy and let her adjust to being around guns and you'll be surprised how she will adapt. Even if she never wants to shoot, she will probably be OK with your doing it and guns being in the house.
Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:56 pm
by quidni
Since no-one else has mentioned it on this thread, I will...
The Cornered Cat
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:19 am
by G.C.Montgomery
Keith B wrote:Great advice G.C. You must have been married a LONG time!...
Oh stop, I'm just a youngster who learns from other people's mistakes. After all, I'm not going to live long enough to make all the mistakes myself!
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:30 am
by Keith B
G.C.Montgomery wrote:Keith B wrote:Great advice G.C. You must have been married a LONG time!...
Oh stop, I'm just a youngster who learns from other people's mistakes. After all, I'm not going to live long enough to make all the mistakes myself!
LOL, well whichever mistakes you dont make, I will cover on my side for you. And I will bet there will be some duplication in there too!
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:53 am
by anygunanywhere
Mrs. Anygun has never been anti-gun.
She has been anti-spend money on more guns at times.
She has been "you do not need to go shooting now spend time with me doing things I like to do because you are gone so much" recently.
It will be a slow process. Persistence is the key. Be smart and figure out how to relate current events and shift her way of thinking. Even if her ex was a jerk, convince her that you are not. It is a Mars/Venus thing.
A gun safe should be the first thing anyone who owns firearms purchases.
Anygun
Re: So your wife....
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 12:46 pm
by lawrnk
G.C.Montgomery wrote:lawrnk wrote:Totally avoiding anything that slightly smells of misogyny...my wife basically hates guns now that we have a toddler. She is not against the 2nd, rather some inate fear. Ironically she bought sigs and glocks for her previous fiancee who was a pearland cop. He was also a really worthless guy(and worse than Stalin if gave you the relational details) and maybe ruined the 2nd as far as my wife is concerned. I have owned guns the last decade, but this year I have been learning and not being just a gun guy with a home defense gun. I consider myself a collector now and still a total newbie, and buy a new one each month.
The wife cites safety, etc.. Refuses to buy anything I want for Christmas.
I asked for a safe for my b-day, have not gotten it. I only lock and load my glock at home. Am I a loner here in this respect? She has zero interest in the range, and has no support for my new "hobby"
To the surprise of many folks, my wife is not a fan of guns. She's not opposed to them but she'll probably never, in this lifetime or the next, buy a gun for me for a special occasion of any kind. Early on, just before we got married, I was told we couldn't have firearms in the house and they'd have to be put in a shed or something outside the house. Not even the garage was acceptable as a location for the safe. Kids were in the equation but didn't exist yet and were a large basis of the fears that went with that decree. Rather than answer back with, "I had these guns before I had you..." I explained to her how I felt and tried as much as possible to keep the emotion out of it after expressing empathy for her point of view.
Contrary to the advice of some, I did use logic and reason to settle the matter...And it was no surprise to me that it worked. That's one of the reasons I married my wife...While very much a woman, and a girly girl at heart, she's more than willing to accept pure logic and reason. I do however recognize there are times when my wife does not want a logical response to her complaints. She just wants me to listen without offering any of my perfectly logical solutions or reasons indicating she's being irrational, at least not right then. After she's had time to calm down and the anger is past, she's ready to fix the problem.
I don't know your wife. But I would strongly suggest that if she was worth marrying, she is probably receptive to your opinion on this issue. The deal is, you may have to give a lot more than you get...That's marriage. It's not always 50/50 and some times you are going to have to agree to disagree. On this issue though, you have to find some sort of solution both of you can live with or it will be one of those things you sling at each other from opposite sides of the courtroom years from now. I'd start with purchasing the safe on your own. I realize this sounds corny but it shows intiative and commitment on your part. You may be able to start the discussion on this issue once the safe is installed and you've moved all your guns inside.
Very good advice. I decided to buy my own safe. For years I financially supported her hobby with Pagentry, but she won't support this one. I informed her that she is getting a 1911 for Christmas, and a bowling ball engraved "Homer"
Re: So your wife....
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:58 pm
by Keith B
lawrnk wrote: I informed her that she is getting a 1911 for Christmas, and a bowling ball engraved "Homer"
I think I have figured out your problem lawrnk!!
Be patient and good luck!
Re: So your wife....
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:27 pm
by MrsFosforos
Keith B wrote:lawrnk wrote: I informed her that she is getting a 1911 for Christmas, and a bowling ball engraved "Homer"
I think I have figured out your problem lawrnk!!
Be patient and good luck!
YUP! Keith B nailed it, though good humorly.
More seriously, have you taken the time to try to understand her perspective? Buying a safe to secure the guns you already have is one thing. But continuing to pursue this "hobby" while disregarding her opinion could lead to a lot larger problemd in your relationship in the long run.
